


AHow to save a life

by Ninjawizardd



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Haphephobia, I Don't Even Know, Mental Health Issues, Mental ward AU, Multi, Self-Harm, Teen-au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 04:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4652448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninjawizardd/pseuds/Ninjawizardd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Micheal, who has always had anger issues, gets admitted to his local mental ward, to keep him out of juvie, after an incident with a cop.<br/>However he doesn't realise how quickly this place, or rather, these people, will change him</p><p>I have no plan for this and I apologise, I'm just gonna write and see what happens</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1, arrival

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Crooked Young](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4305624) by [glackedandmullered](https://archiveofourown.org/users/glackedandmullered/pseuds/glackedandmullered), [tenlittlecock_bites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenlittlecock_bites/pseuds/tenlittlecock_bites). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Micheal is shown his new home and has his first encounter with his roommate.  
>  Chapter edited for spelling and grammar mistakes 03/04/2016

"I don't belong here!"  
The nurse just raised his eyebrow, ignorant cunt. 

As Michael was led to his new room in Texas institute for mental health, he could only think about how ridiculous the whole ordeal was.  
'uncontrollable anger proplems' his father told the court.  
He had lashed out at a cop who told him to calm down, and not with just his usual vulgar language, this time he punched the officer in the face.  
'I fear for my safety when he's at home" his mother addressed the judge "his walls are cracked and dented from his fits of rage"  
His parents were never the kind to be supportive, encouraging or open-minded. His father had strict opinions on how a son should be, ones that Michael came no where near to meeting, and his mother was scared to stand up for him.  
Apparently a son should be into sports and athletics, always going to the gym or football practices. Michael enjoyed computers and gaming, more likely to be on his xbox than working out, as a result he was quite a thin kid not built and muscular. His father was also of the belief that a son should be emotionally strong, this meant he wasn't allowed to cry, even as a toddler Michael was told crying was for girls. If anything, that is probably the reason that Michael had anger issues, not that he would accept that fact, he preferred to pretend his problems weren't there, distract himself from them until he came out in a fit of rage and destruction. But how does one cope, when it's their coping mechanism that is the issue?

Michael was shown his room and told the schedule for his section of the hospital.  
Breakfast at 8, lunch at 1 and dinner at 6. Showers were open from 6:30am until 11:30am but each cubical was set with an alarm, patients were given a warning after 5 minutes, again after 7 total minutes and again at 9 minutes, if patients failed to leave after 10 minutes, staff were notified. Apparently that was to reduce the risk of anyone causing harm to themselves.  
Bullshit if you asked Michael, utterly Bullshit. He preferred to have half an hour showers to calm himself down, and as for the meal times? At home Michael would be lucky if he was in bed by eight, never mind slept and awake again.

Once the nurse had gone over the routine and extra information that Michael might of needed, he left him in his room to get settled in.

The room was pretty bland, white walls, Black carpet and two single beds and a chest of drawers, Upon looking he found multiple plain white t-shirts, black socks and underwear, and loose fitting trousers, pretty much like hospital scrubs.

To say Michael was angry would be an understatement, he was furious. First of all he didn't belong here, second of all, he had to share his room with some other cunt, third of all he had to follow some bullshit timetable, and finally he had a meeting with a therapist soon. He was sick of therapists and their unless theories, although every doctor that Michael had seen, didn't have the time of day for him, just another angry teenager, and in the end, they just gave him pills to take and dismissed him. It was a waste of his time and made him boil with rage when someone mentioned it. Now he had to see another one in this shitty place 

The red head placed his bag on the bed with a sigh, not that many of its contents had remained. His jeans had been taken off him (including the pair he was wearing) and replaced with loose with trousers, like hospital scrubs. His shoes laces were taken and he was given a pair of slip ons. Apparently his DS and comic books had to be earned, and we're confiscated in the meantime.  
With so much anger that he couldn't express, Michael laid down and screamed into his pillow, before drifting into a nap.  
___________________________________

He was awoken by a someone shaking his shoulder gently, there were few things that Michael hated more than being woken up  
"WHAT?!" he snapped as he turned back around. The boy came face to face with another boy for a brief moment, before he jumped back in fright to Michael's reaction. This boy was shorter than Michael, with pitch black hair, glasses and a small scruff of facial hair  
"I..I..I'm sorry man, Joel's at the door, you're due at therapy in 5 minutes"  
He sat up, swinging his legs off the bed and instantly regretted falling asleep, now he was groggy and even more irritable, and he felt so uncomfortable having slept in his clothes.  
" fine" Michael huffed, he may have felt guilty about his rudeness if he hadn't felt like shit. This guy was obviously his room mate and they should probably by kind if he had any chance of surviving this place with his sanity intact  
"I'm Ray by the way" the boy spoke once again but Michael just got up and left the room 

"which way?" he questioned.  
Just as Joel, Michaels nurse, went to place his hand on his shoulder to lead the way, the kid dipped and stepped back out of reach, eyes growing wide and heart and breath picking up slightly  
"don't touch me!" he stated with both fear and aggression in his voice, causing Joel to put his hands up in fake surrender before walking in the right direction with a head nod, indicating Michael to follow.


	2. 2, appointments and people

Dr burns' office (or 'Burnie' as he introduced himself) certainly wasn't typical for a therapists office. It wasn't dull and lifeless. It didn't have a funny smell and settled dust everywhere. In fact it was quite the opposite, white walls made the room light, as well as the large open window which let in lots of sunlight and a gentle breeze. One wall of the room was shelved and held many vinyl figures, video game collectibles and a few comic books  
The man, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. sat on a large comfy arm chair, with his laptop on one arm rest and all his files on a small table next to him. He had Michael's file on his knee, however he was looking at the digital copy of it on the computer.  
The boy sat on a couch opposite and stayed quite as he waited for Burnie to speak. The atmosphere and the room actually made Michael calm down, something which even surprised him. He was expecting another old man in a dusty, stuffy office who would drug him up even more and send him on his way.

When Michael arrived at his office, Joel knocked on the door before entering  
"got Michael Jones here"  
The man, who had already Started reading his file, quickly got up and walked over,  
"the door says Dr burns, but I go by Burnie" the man introduced himself, he always felt that it made patients more relaxed and trust him more, in turn, ensuring they get the correct help  
He extended his arm, to shake hands with Micheal before seeing the look of fear and slight confusion upon the boys face, and quickly remembering his file  
"No, sorry...I...um" he was quick to apologize, fearing that he made the boy uncomfortable  
"please, take a seat, I was just going over your file"  
Burnie dismissed Joel and returned to his seat.

Once he had finished reading, he started a conversation with Micheal, they spoke mainly about his interest at first, video games and comic books before moving moving on to speak about Michael's anger, a subject matter which made him visibly tense.  
Seeing this, Burnie steered the topic of conversation what he usually did to calm himself down  
"not a lot, it usually just fades, or I distract myself from it with either a long shower or video games, neither of which I can do here"  
"well you can get an out of hours shower if it's under special circumstances, so we can see if we can work with that if things get bad, I also think for the time being, we should take you off the medication"  
"excuse me?! I'm in here for attacking a cop and you want to stop my meds?!"  
"I'm looking at your records and you've been on every pill imaginable, it's ridiculous, but I think the ones your on don't work well together, so we're going to start a fresh, but I think we should give you body a chance to function without loads of chemicals"  
The thought scared Michael, but he was willing to try it  
"anyway!" Burnie picked up the tone and looked at his watch "it's time for dinner, do you know where your going?"  
"erm, no, not from here" he hesitated  
"that's fine, I'll walk you there" 

_______________

Once Michael got his tray of slop, or 'beef stew' as they tried to tell him, he looked around for somewhere to sit, quickly spotting his roommate, Ray, sat at a table with a group of other people, and one spare seat  
seat. As he walked up everyone stopped and stared at him, something which made Michael become angry again,  
"take a picture it'll last longer!" he snapped before reminding himself to be nice  
"uhm, sorry, can I sit here?"  
"yeah sure!! My name's Gavin!!" The boy with scruffy light brown hair beamed.  
"Michael" he replied as he sat, making a note of his name and praying that he wasn't always so hyper.  
"you new here?" the question came from a tall scrawny kid, older than Michael, with pitch black hair and a mustache  
"that's my new r..r..roommate" Ray stuttered out with his head down and staring at his food.  
He looked around the table to see a slightly larger boy with a big ginger beard, and another boy with dirty blond hair who just sat with his head in his hands.  
Throughout dinner, Michael tried to join in conversations with the group, feeling that maybe having some friends would help him through this situation. He found that most of them liked video games and comic books. He found that the guy with the blondish hair was Ryan and he had bipolar, the guy with the ginger beard was jack and had OCD, and the one with the mustache is Geoff, but he didn't know why he was in, nor Gavin and although nobody mentioned it, he was pretty sure that Ray had anxiety  
Learning about why people were in made Michael mad again, these people had actually issues and needed to be in here, but Michael was just thrown in here cause his parents are idiots who don't understand, and lie to the court. He enjoyed the company of the other five, but after dinner time, he found himself back in his room, while the others went to the lounge. He was trying to find a way to rid all of his pent-up anger, but it was quite hard In such an empty room. He found the only way to do so. Was to simply scream into his pillow and although it didn't work wonders, it did help a bit. This lead to Joel knocking on the door  
"is everything okay? What's with all the noise?"  
"nothing, I'm fine!" he shouted before slamming the door. Which actually released quite a bit of anger.  
Michael found himself worn out once again, and decided to go to sleep.


	3. 3,contact and bandages,

Michael woke up the next morning with a startle, jumping straight out of bed, and standing on his feet before he even knew he was awake  
"what the fuck man?" the boy looked up to see his room mate stood by the chest of drawers looking petrified as he repeatedly passed his stress ball from one hand to the other, squeezing it every time. Ray took the bright orange ball everywhere he went, as it helped calm his nerves.  
"I...I...don't know what happened, sorry, what time is it" The red head looked at his bed with confusion, instantly feeling awake  
"erm, 7:30, breakfast is soon"  
"shit, i slept for 12 hours?!" no wonder he was fully awake, the kid hadn't slept this much in years  
"apparently so, you were already asleep when i came in last night" the conversation had made him visibly relax. After both boys were dressed, they walked together down the hall to Gavin and Geoff's room and Jack and Ryan's room, which were conveniently next to each other, before heading to breakfast as a group.

once the boy's had their food and were seated, Micheal noted that Ryan was much happier and upbeat, clearly having a good day, Gavin seemed a quieter, he wad still happy and cheery, just not as out spoken, and Geoff kept looking off into the distance, as if seeing something more interesting. The conversation moved from comic books onto the 'food' that they were eating, and how bad it was  
"well if you're not interested, mind if i have your bacon?" Geoff leaned over Ray's tray, to Micheal's food, as they were all sat in a row. Michael managed to pull his hand away milliseconds before it would have came in contact with the mustached boy's hand. This action caused the conversation to stop and all eyes at the table to turn towards him  
"i'm sorry, just please don't touch me" this didn't stop the staring despite what he had hoped, which made the rage appear in Michael as quickly as usual  
"THERE'S NO NEED TO STARE LIKE I HAVE TWO FUCKING HEADS" the boy shouted before knocking his tray onto the floor and storming out the room.  
Roaming the halls for something to do, he kept replaying the moment in his head until he couldn't take it anymore, turning and punching the wall of the corridor as hard as he could. In spite of the bruised and bloody knuckles that he now had, Michael now felt revealed of his anger and decided to make his way to the lounge, in hope to find something to occupy him.  
As he walked in, he noticed there was 3 large couches, two of which faced each other in one corner of the room and the third facing a television in the other corner. Gavin sat curled into Geoff's side on one couch, with Ray, Ryan and Jack all on the one facing them. when he entered Geoff instantly noticed him and waved him over to the group  
"what the fuck happened at breakfast man?" he immediately questioned  
"I..erm...sorry" he hesitated  
"Haphephobia" Ryan commented out of the blue, continuing to watch the way Ray played with his stress ball  
"Excuse me?" Gavin asked  
"Haphephobia" Ryan repeated "the irrational fear of physical contact. often to the extreme, where the person in question feels pain, usually a burning sensation, when physical contact is made. It is commonly, but not always, caused by a traumatic event in the persons life and can be linked with other issues such as argophobia or anxiety disorder"  
he stated these facts without blinking or losing concentration from the stress ball as if reciting a book, leaving a confused look upon most of their faces.  
"yeah pretty much, can we not talk about it?"  
"it's fine, you just scared us, we didn't know what was happening" Gavin commented, still rather calm and content.

The whole group spent time talking about different people and members of staff in the facility, gossiping really. He found that the nurse with the purple hair was meg and she worked with Geoff and Gavin. The one with red hair was Lindsey and worked with Jack and Ryan. Apparently Michael was lucky to have Burnie has his therapist, because the other one that worked there was Dr Sorola, and he made most people feel uncomfortable. The boys all spoke and gossiped until someone alerted them all to the fact that it was lunch time, and if they were to miss a meal, they would have to have a meeting with their doctor to discuss why.  
________________

Their lunch was like that from a school cafeteria, but with not a lot of choice, and The only item that was even close to edible was the sandwiches, something which all the boys in the group chose. Michael took the plastic cheese off his bread in disgust, but soon wincing at the pain it caused his had, most of his knuckles where swollen, and had dark bruising around them, quickly deciding not to use that hand to eat.

He watched in interest as Jack set everything up perfectly, how he had to have it to be comfortable, his apple was in the top left corner of his tray, with his drink in the top right, and he positioned his plate perfectly centre. He also found out that the whole group had to sit in the same seats every day, but nobody particularly minded.  
Ray was in-between Geoff and Michael on one side of the table and Gavin between Jack and Ryan on the other side, and they all sat at the table in the far right hand corner of the room.

Soon after they sat down, a blonde haired nurse came over to speak to them, she had a Canadian accent, Micheal assumed her name is Barbara, by the way the boys greeted her.  
"Oh my gosh, your hand, have you had it checked out?"  
At this moment, Michael began to panic again  
"uhm, no it's fine, it's nothing serious"  
"No you need to get it looked at" the woman reached down to take his wrist, but he immediately jumped from his seat  
"No"  
Barbara grabbed Michaels wrist, in an attempt to look at his injuries  
"No!" he shouted again " let go of me, let go of me" he instantly spiraled into panic as he step back, all the way until he reached the wall  
"DON'T TOUCH ME, DON'T TOUCH ME" By this point the boy was in full panic, he slid down the wall and curled himself into a ball, unaware of the fact that the nurse has already let go. The pain was still there, burning like hot coals, his breathing was uncontrollable, his chest and throat felt tight like there was no way to get any air through. His head was spinning and all he could hear was a high pitched buzzing in his ears, making him completely oblivious to everything around him as he continued to chant 'don't touch me' and hyperventalate

It felt like years before Michael was finally able to hear again, but he was still enduring his panic attack  
"Michael, Michael, can you hear me MICHAEL?"  
The boy lifted his head slightly to peer over his arms. Burnie was crouched down in front of him, looking at a loss of what to do with his hands, usually the man would comfort them by putting his hands on their knees, or something similar, but he knew he couldn't in this case.  
The man look relieved when Michael finally lifted his head to look at him  
"you need to calm your breathing okay, or your about to pass out"  
The world slowly came back in order for the boy, he concentrated on calming his breathing when he started to notice the lunch hall was now empty, except from a few nurses, Burnie, and all the group members a part from Geoff.

As he calmed down, Burnie moved beside Michael, to lean against the wall as well  
"are you okay now?"  
"mmhmm"  
"want to tell me what happened? Because none of your friends will tell me, but I got a call to say your having a panic attack, barbera now has a black eye, Geoff's been sanctioned for violence, and I'm 99% sure you have broken knuckles"

He stayed silent and just rubbed his Wrists in attempt to make the imaginary pain go away

"right come on, up you get" as the man stood up, and began to walk out the room, Michael rubbed his face before getting up and following him. Once into the corridor Burnie reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, handing in to the boy  
"What's this?" he questioned, before quickly realizing how hoarse his throat was  
"shower key, you've been cleared to have one, although the time warnings will still apply normally, you can have as long as you need right now, I'll be outside and turn the alarm off,  
And you cannot let anyone else get the key. Were going to get you a compression bandage for your hand, and a glass of water by the sounds of it, then you get a get a shower, then we're going to chat in my office, I want to know what happened"  
Michael lowered his head as they continued to walk down the corridor, key gripped tightly in his good hand.

They reached a set of glass double doors that Michael hadn't seen before, Burnie swiped his card and the green light shone to indicate the doors were now unlocked. As they walked through, the boy quickly realised that this was the rest of the hospital, looking around, he realised that it looked just like any other hospital, which was completely different to the psychiatric ward. He suddenly felt very out of place and uncomfortable. He was lead straight to the x-ray machines, where Burnie made sure that he was automatically placed at the top of the list, and skipped the queue. He was given patronizingly nice looks by the nurses at the x-ray machine which just made him angry again. Once his hand was in the right place, Burnie waited until the nurses had left before telling Michael to stay calm and ignore the looks they were giving him, and then left the room too for the pictures to be taken.

After the x-ray confirmed he had broken three out of four of his knuckles, Burnie took him to a cubical where he gave him a glass of water  
"you need to put a compression bandage on it, but obviously we can't do it without touching you. So you need to do it, do you want pain medication first, and let it kick in?"  
"No, it don't need it, I can do it without"  
Michael thought back to all the times his mother was about to give him medicine when he was ill, like when he had a cold or a virus, but his dad would soon walk in and start shouting about how he didn't need it, how there was nothing wrong with him and he was just being a wimp  
"are you sure? It's going to be extremely sore"  
"I don't need it"  
"okay, but if it gets to sore, tell me!"  
Michael took the bandage and began to wrap it around his hand, fighting back the tears, knowing he wasn't allowed to let them show. He froze once he had wrapped the whole bandage, he knew he would be unable to clip the safety pin on his own.  
He looked to the man stood in front of him, trying to figure out how much he trusted him  
"I..uhm..Need you to do the pin"  
"what? Are you sure? I don't know if" Michael cut him off before he could finish  
"look, I can't do it myself, just, please do it quickly" He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his head into his arm while he outstretched his sore hand and waited on Burnie to clip the pin  
Soon enough a burning sensation ran through Michael's hand  
"I..done"  
When the boy uncurled himself he noticed that Burnie had a pained expression, almost like it hurt him to know he was hurting one of his patients. After being led back the ward, Michael began to feel more comfortable, he hated this place and most things about it, but it was a damn site better than walking through the main hospital with all the nurses giving you sympathetic looks cause they all knew what your clothes meant, and who Burnie was. Sympathy was just another thing to add to the list of what made Michael's rage grow. He could handle himself, he didn't need people feeling bad for him, it made him feel incompetent, which was yet another thing that his father hated about having a kid, they couldn't instantly look after themselves. this lead to Michael spending most of his younger years with a nanny, so that he was out of the way and cared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so i couldn't think of the right place to break up the chapters, and i know this wasn't a great place, but hey, sorry


	4. 4, showers and damage

The boy stood under the running water, letting hot droplets wash away his anger. He was perfectly aware that Burns was sat outside, but it was a fact he tried to ignore as he cleared his mind and just enjoyed the peace in this hell hole  
 _ ***beep...beep...beep....Thud***_ The timing alarm went off once more. Normally it would draw nurses to the showers, an indication at that someone had been in the tiny cubical too long, and something serious had likely happened. That was the reason Burnie was sat on the floor outside, he had promised Michael as long as he needed on this occasion, so every time the alarm rang, he lifted his arm to cancel it.   
"still good in there?" he shouted through, just to check   
"mmhmm" was his only reply.   
The tones had rang three times already, but before they rang a fourth, the kid emerged, wearing identical copies of the clothes he wore when he entered, his hair sticking up in all directions as it had just been towel dried, and dirty clothes, towels, and plastic cover for his bandage, all in his hands.   
Burnie quickly stood up and showed him what to do with the dirty washing   
"feeling better?" The man asked after clearing his throat  
"er.. yeah actually..." Michael began to feel embarrassed from the whole ordeal but embarrassment was yet another emotion that got pushed to the back of his mind because it wasn't manly enough.   
"I was going to go to my office so we could talk about what happened but..." he looked down at his watch "it's dinner time, so we'll chat after you've eaten"  
"do you not have other patients that you're meant to see?"   
"usually, yes, but when someone ends up taking a severe panic attack in the lunch hall, has multiple unexplained fractures on his hand, which I still need to know how happened by the way, and a nurse gets a black eye, schedules change"  
Michael became aware of his fathers voice in his head telling him how he was being a nuisance, a burden, an attention seeker and how he needed to stop and just get on with his life  
"fuck..I..em...sorry" he stuttered out, normally anger would make it's self present in a moment like this, but for some reason, something he couldn't put his finger on, made him feel more of his true emotions, as he looked at the man stood in front of him. his shoulders came together and he made him self small, in shame that he had caused such a hassle to the man.   
"Hey, No" Burnie lifted his hand, about to place it on the boy's shoulder in comfort before quickly reminding himself not to. having never known anyone which such extreme haphephbia before, he didn't realize how hard it would be to comfort someone without physical contact.   
"there's no need to apologize, for a start, the Barbara shouldn't have grabbed you if you told her not to, second, you can't apologize for Ramsey's outbursts, even if they were to look out for you, and last, and most important, it's why I'm here, so you're not alone, and we can do this together"   
Normally a speech like this would be given in a monotone manner to make the patient think they're cared about, but at the end of the day, they were just another number, Michael had heard it a thousand times, but there was sincerity in the mans voice which he wasn't used to hearing "Anyway... we can talk later, lets go get food" as much as Michael tried to push his confusion of emotions away, they were quickly building up and becoming overpowering. 

Both guys stood in line to get their meals, and once both trays were filled, Michael began to look for the group he was making friends with, who were all sat at a table in the back corner, which was no surprise, as they supported Jack.  
"come to my office as soon as you're done, okay?" Burnie informed the boy, but as he walked over to the table, he couldn't help but feel vulnerable, his emotions were quickly becoming to much to suppress, but he couldn't let them show, especially not in front of people he was trying to be-friend, because as far as he was aware, nobody would want to be friends with a wimp that couldn't handle himself. He sat quiet during his dinner, not wanting to break the dynamic of the preexisting group, and trying to quickly divert any topic that was aimed to him. Just as he was finishing his meal Geoff slams his head down on the table, yelling   
"shut up!" repeatedly. quickly, meg was at his side, coaxing him to calm down and eventually leading him away. the event unnerved Michael, he didn't know what was wrong with him, and concern coursed through him.   
"Schizophrenia" Ray stated   
"huh?"   
"that's why he's in, sometimes things get a bit too much, and he'll snap, it's been leading up for a few days, you can tell when he zones out or looks away, that he can hear or see something we don't" Ray quietly explained to his roommate, not sure if he should be sharing the information, but not really coming up with a reason not to.   
"it's probably the reason he punched Barbara earlier, it makes him protective, and lash out"  
"Speaking of which, are you okay now?" Ryan spoke up from across the table "you gave everyone quite the scare"   
"I'm fine" the boy looked up, smiling at the group, it was nice to have people make sure he was okay, but he couldn't help the guilt, he shouldn't be the cause of others distress.

After dismissing himself from the table, he made his way straight to Burnie's office, knocking before entering.  
"yeah, in you come" he shouted through  
As he walked in, he noticed that the man his finished tray of food on his desk, and was sat on his laptop. Michael went immediately to the couch, bringing his knees to his chest and bursting into tears. everything from the day had built up, normally, it would let itself out through anger, his main coping mechanism but there was just no way relieve his anger, and to many other emotions had built up. The boy was scared for having been put in this ward; people, surroundings, restrictions and routines he was unfamiliar with, he was ashamed of having caused such a disruption to Burnie and the people here, he felt guilty that he caused Barbara's black eye and because people worried about him, he was embarrassed of his reactions to everything, He was confused by the compassion in Burnie's voice when he said he was there for him. He was vulnerable by letting him emotions show but for the first time since he could remember, he wasn't going to hide them, or cover them up with anger. For the first time since he could remember, he was just going to let it out. As he cried on the couch, Burnie came and sat next to him, trying to calm him with words, telling him it was all okay, it was normal to cry, that he was safe. But for all the mans words he could hear his father counter his statements   
"hey, calm down"  
'here he goes again!'  
"it's fine, it's okay to cry"  
'Grow up, men don't cry'  
"it's okay to let it all out"  
'there's nothing wrong, get over it!'  
But soon enough his fathers voice began to fade out, leaving him with supportive words from Burnie as he calmed down, collecting himself, wiping away his tears and regulating his breathing.   
For the rest of the night they chatted about most of Michael's life, regularly straying however to talk about games, or comics or to tell completely unrelated stories. The man never went back to his desk, instead, staying at the other end of the couch. The boy stayed curled up, finding comfort in hugging his knees close. He spoke about his father and the emotional abuse, not that he was quite ready to admit that yet, one step at a time, he spoke about his school, and his friends, but Burnie spoke about his life too, not in as much detail, but he told some of his mad teenage stories too, it built Michael confidence and trust in the man.   
By the end of it, not only was he completely exhausted, but his head felt clearer, there was no emotions that he was trying to compress, his fear and stress for the place had ebbed away and he felt happy, an emotion that hadn't been present in the boy's life for a very long time. 

He didn't belong on the ward, even Burnie knew that, he just needed the support of people close to him, but thanks to the court he was here for another couple of months, he may as well make the best of it though.


	5. 5, love and hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise visits aren't always happy,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took sooo long to update :/

It was quarter past midnight before Michael finally got back to his room, tired but with a clear head, and the moment he laid down in bed, he fell asleep.  
over the next few day, not a lot happened, Ryan and Michael grew closer as friends and Ray become more comfortable around him, He discovered that Gavin was admitted for Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) and that Jack was also Autistic, which was part of the reason for his severe OCD. After Geoff's out bust at lunch, his symptoms seems to have evened out again. Burnie had made sure he got his DS back, which made the rest of the group jealous, but he made sure they all got a shot.  
They were all sat eating lunch, Michael hadn't been there very long but he was already losing track of the day, although he was pretty sure it was Sunday, and they were all in between conversation topics before Geoff spoke up, he was normally the one to end the silence  
"so are your folks coming today?"  
"uh..what?" the question took Michael off guard  
"Sunday, that means visiting day, my parents don't give a shit, Jacks mom comes every single week, and the rest get visits around twice a month."  
"pfft, my parents will be glad to have rid of me!"  
"know the feeling, man"  
the topic quickly changed to video games, and the latest releases that they wish they could get their hand on before tiding their trays and moving to the lounge. The lounge was the room they spent most of their time in, as the dining hall wasn't very comfortable, or warm, and they weren't allowed in each others rooms, they all had group therapy once a week, and private sessions 2-3 times a week, depending on the severity of their conditions which meant it wasn't often that all 6 of them would have free time together.  
Not long after the guys got there, while they were all watching cartoons on one of the few TV channels that they actually got, Joel and Meg walked in and turned the TV off  
"hey!!" Gavin complained  
"oh calm down, you can turn it back on in a minute" Joel shushed him  
"Jack, Ryan and Michael are the ones with visitors today!" Meg interrupted with and overly chirpy voice and wide smile, before they both walked off.  
Michael sat in silence for a moment, just wondering why on earth his parents would want to visit him when they're the reason he's here  
"looks like they do care after all" Geoff spoke up  
"I..uhm..." he couldn't seem to form any words  
but Ryan was there to give a comforting smile "hey, I'll walk you there, I don't suppose you know where it is?"  
The boy just stood up and followed Ryan and Jack out the room without speaking.

When they got there, Michael took note of the fact the visitors room was much like that of a prison, set tables with family members on one side, and patients (easily identifiable by their clothes) on the other, but instead of security guards around the walls, it was nurses, and both of the therapist, Burnie, and Dr Sorola.  
Michael spotted his parents near the back of the room and tentatively began to walk towards the table. Once there, he slipped into the seat on his side, His mother greeted him with a warm smile, she always was the more caring one. His father on the other hand just sat there with a stern look on his face  
"so how you been, sweety?" his mum being the one to break the awkward silence

"pfft, what a stupid question!" his dad snarled before giving Michael the chance to reply, just as his mother went to speak, he started again "He's in here because he's fucked up in the head!"  
The boy was left feeling small and downgraded once again  
"What happened to your hand dear?" his mum questioned with concern twisting in her face, looking at the bandage that was still around his knuckles.  
"I'm sure he's just being a wimp again! He's probably just tapped it on a wall or chair or something, but he'll be looking for all the attention he can get with that pathetic little bandage"  
Michael could feel the frustration building again, it had been days since he had been angry, but being near his dad again brought it all back.  
Both Ryan and Burnie had overheard the conversation and were becoming concerned, Ryan was trying to enjoy his time with his family but was worried for the red head that he had become increasingly close too over the last week, and Burnie was paying close attention, ready to step in if things escalated.  
"I had a rough few days to start with mum, but I've settled in now and made some friends" He tried to ignore his father and be kind to his mum, but it was difficult to say the least  
"rough few days? there he goes again, all 'woe is me' man up boy!"  
"it's good that you've got a few friends dear, are you missing your friends from home?" "well they certainly won't be missing him, will they" " JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!" He finally snapped and shouted back  
"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME" as the words came out of the mans mouth, he leaned across that table and slapped his son.

The world around Michael seemingly stopped and all that he felt was the burning sting coursing through his face, in a matter of seconds Burnie and Ryan were by his side and his father was being forcefully lead out of the room by the nurses and other hospital staff and Ryan's mother had come over to comfort Michael's.

As the world came back into play for Michael, he felt a strange sense of being emotionless. He looked at the people around him and he knew that these were the people that should make him feel happy, but he just couldn't bring himself to actually BE happy. He ignored the people asking him if he was okay, stood up and walked over to his mum, before hugging her. The feeling was uncomfortable, but she was the only person who he could bare contact with, and had been for as long as he could remember. 

After the hug, he left and headed straight back to his dorm, heading straight over the the bed and taking the shower key which he had hid under his pillow and picked up towels on the way out. Once in the shower, hes just sat on the floor of the cubical, rested his head against the wall and let the warm water just wash over him. He must have zoned-out or dozed off in the shower because next thing he was aware of was Joel banging very loudly, telling him he was about to come in.  
"shit... I'M JUST GETTING OUT, I'M FINE I PROMISE, I JUST LOST TRACK OF TIME!" the male nurse ignored the statement as he opened the door anyway, Michael was just able to grab a towel to hide his junk as joel's head came round the door  
"WHAT THE FUCK?? GET OUT! I SAID I WAS JUST COMING!" Michael slammed the door in the mans face before quickly getting dried and dressed.

As he left the shower room, Joel was stood outside waiting on him  
"you're meant to come out before the 10 minutes is up"  
He began to lecture, before angrily being shut down  
"yeah well, I didn't!"  
"Burnie wants to see you in his office just now"  
"tough luck"  
They had been walking through the corridors and just arrived at Michaels room  
"excuse me?"  
"I'm going to bed!"  
"But it's only half 2?"  
"bite me" the conversation was abruptly ended by the boy slamming the door in Joel's face. Now that he came to think about it, Michael realised that's how most conversations between the two ended.


	6. 6, Arms and Blood

When Michael woke up again, he noticed the small lamp between the 2 beds was on, but the main light was off, he was facing the wall and as he rolled over to face the room, he saw that Ray was sat on his bed, playing with his orange ball that he took everywhere, but also that Ryan was sat on the floor, leaning against Ray's bed and looking at Michael, a strange thing as nobody was allowed in a room that wasn't theirs, but he found himself too tired to question the situation  
"Burnie want's to see you as soon as you wake up" Ryan spoke as soon as he noticed the younger boy was awake, but his only reaction was to roll onto his front and bury his head into his pillow, this didn't stop sandy blond from attempting to start up a conversation, however.  
"how are you feeling?" a groan from the boy was his only reply  
"normally if you miss a meal in this place, there is a full investigation, Joel was pretty annoyed with you not doing what he asked then slamming the door in his face and then on top off everything, missing dinner too, but apparently Burnie talked him down from it" just silence.  
"You didn't miss out on much, it was Macaroni or minced beef, both tasted like cardboard, but I'm sure if you're hungry you'll be able to get something!"  
Michael rolled over and sat up, his entire body began to ache and his head felt dizzy, but he just ignored it. as his eyes scanned the room, he notices a pile of towels in the bathroom doorway, a few appeared to be soaked in blood, confusion sprang in Michael's head but he wasn't able to think clear enough to make the connect of blood to the boys sat in front of him. instead, he just stood up, took his DS out of his drawer and handed it to Ryan before leaving the room and walking to Burnie's office.

Once Michael reached the door of the office he knocked and waited, his dizziness suddenly increased and his mouth started to water profusely. He could hear Burnie from the other side of the door telling him to come in, but the words were unable to register in his head and he just stood frozen. When the therapist finally opened the door, the movement in his vision made the boy suddenly throw up with no warning to the man in front of him, luckily managing to turn his head to the side first. The dizziness only continued to increase and within a few seconds of throwing up his vision narrowed and turned to black, and his hearing just became a high-pitched buzz, causing him to quickly lose balance, the last thing he remembered was being caught from falling by a pair of arms. Arms which didn't burn.

______________________

Michael woke up 10 minutes late, becoming aware of his surroundings very quickly. His head hurt but he no longer felt like his body was trying to kill him from the inside out. He was lying on the couch in Burnie's office with Burnie crouched on the floor next to him, watching him closely. Joel was also in the room along with a doctor that the boy didn't recognise.  
"you're awake! He's awake!" a look of relief quickly replaced the look of extreme stress on Burnie's face "how are you feeling?"  
the only response Michael gave was raising an eyebrow  
"stupid question, I know sorry" he let out a small chuckle 

The doctor walked over to Michael and began to explain the reasons for why most likely passed out "we've had a few people from this section saying they've had upset stomachs, we think it might be to do with a unit of sandwiches ordered in for lunch times, the rest of the unit has been chucked away, you're the only one to have thrown up, though, most likely because of the high stress and anxiety levels from events earlier today, and as for passing out, you'll have low blood sugar from the food poisoning, but missing dinner will have meant that you were unable to bring those blood sugars back up to a safe level. Normally that would be treated by just giving you a sugary drink and something to eat, however, I don't want to put more strain on your stomach right now, than absolutely necessary, so I'm going to give you glucose drip for half an hour to an hour, so you'll need to stay sitting here" The doctor was a very tall man with pitch black hair and a small amount of stubble, he was rather thin, but certainly didn't look unhealthy Michael sat up and just look nervously a Burnie, who just gave him a reassuring look back. The doctor took out an anti-bacterial wipe, and the prepackaged supplies and reached for the boy's hand. Without saying a word, he moved out the way, took the wipe, and cleaned his own hand. It was at that point, that he noticed that there was already a drip bag on a stand beside the couch. As the man picked up the tube for the drip, Michael had a sudden realisation of what was happening "No, you can't do it" "pardon? It's the best option for you're health right now!" "no, I mean YOU can't do it" "well you certainly can't do it yourself, it's a two hand job" He sat and thought for a moment before looking towards Burnie, who soon realised what he was asking as his eyes grew wide "I can't do it! I'm not qualified, and anyway, how is it any better if I do it? How about Joel?" the boy just shook his head at that suggestion "please Burnie? can you not just get him to talk you through it?"

"This is getting ridiculous, just let me do it!" the doctor was getting agitated and clearly had no understanding of the situation in hand as he had no knowledge of the patient and didn't regularly work in this section of the hospital.  
"No... No, He's said he doesn't want you doing it, you need to be respectful of that!"  
There was a few moments of silence before the man agreed to do it  
"okay, I'll do it, I've done this before, it's just... been a few years"

Michael took up the same position he had, when Burnie had to fasten the bandage on his hand. His knees were at his chest and his head was buried with his left arm outstretched. The man knelled down and held his hand as he tied the tourniquet around his lower arm.  
As usual, the searing burning sensation ran throughout his arm, radiating from the touch. But what wasn't usual was how the longer it lasted, the more the burning sensation began to fade.  
Michael raised his head from the previous position just before the angiocath went in, and by the time the procedure was finished there was no pain. 

Burnie stayed in his crouched position after he was done and just watched Michael calculatively. 

After a few moments of awkward silence, Burnie became rather agitated that the other two men in the room had made no move to leave  
"you guys can go now..." The doctor left almost immediately but Joel did not move, Burnie looked over and gave the man a strong look of annoyance  
"I should stay incas..." he was cut off from what he was about to stay  
"LEAVE!"  
Without a second breath, he quickly scurried out the room with his head hanging low like a scolded child, leaving the boy and the therapist alone in the office.  
Burnie finally stood up and moved to sit on the other end of the couch, sitting sideways so that his body faced Michael. He ran his hands over his face and let out a deep sigh "I'm sorry..." The apology from the boy came out in a small voice and Burnie gave him a confused look "what on earth are you sorry for? You aren't at fault for anything? I'm just glad you're okay now" there was a few more minutes of silence which felt more like it lasted for a few hours "it stopped hurting" Michael suddenly spoke out of no where "pardon?" the comment to the older man by surprise and he didn't fully understand what he meant at first "when you held my arm, the burning stopped after a few moments" the kid still spoke quietly, as if embarrassed or feeling vulnerable by having the conversation. Burnie sat up straight, getting into a more serious position "that's.... really good! Actually, that's amazing" he had a massive grin on his face "do you have any idea why?" Michael just shook his head and shrugged "it's still great that it's starting to happen though"


	7. Chapter 7

it was 11pm when both guys were sat on the couch, silence had fallen in the room again just after Michael had admitted to not feeling pain from Burnie's touch  
"Can we speak about what happened this afternoon, and your dad?"  
It was the sentence the boy had been dreading hearing all day, he just wanted to forget about it, pretend it never happened and move on, but he knew he wouldn't be able to, certainly not in this place  
"I shouldn't have shouted at him" he spoke quietly and timidly, uncomfortable of the situation  
"it doesn't matter if you shouted at him or not, it was still wrong, he should never lift a finger to you"  
Michael never replied  
"has it happened before?"  
the kid just looked down at his hands and rubbed them together  
"how often, Michael?"  
again, just silence  
"Look, I want to help, but I can't do anything if you don't speak to me" The man was speaking seriously, but I a calm and kind tone, trying to let him know that he actually cared, instead of just trying to do right by the books  
"There is nothing you can do anyway, I shouldn't have shouted at him and that's is all there is too it!" Michael began to get agitated, he saw it as his own fault and didn't want to stir shit, it would only make the situation worse in the long run  
"There are loads of things we can do to help, but I think the first course of action is to prohibit their visitation rights to you"  
"NO" he shouted louder than intended, giving Burnie a bit of a fright "no you can't, please don't it will make it worse"  
It took a moment for the man to understand, but he quickly cottoned on  
"what if we just stop your dad's?"  
"it will have the same affect"  
there was a moment of reticence a Burnie thought for a moment  
"Michael... would you say that your mother was in danger? or say, an abusive relationship"

"not when I'm not there"  
"what do you mean?"  
"If I'm not there, I can't do anything wrong, if I don't do anything wrong, he treats her well"

The man just stressfully rubbing his face again and decided to think about further action in the morning, he was way to worn out to do this right now  
"so how are you getting on with the guys? I noticed you and Ryan have been getting on really well, he was really concerned for you earlier"  
Michael didn't really know how to respond, he was becoming quite good friends with Ryan but at the same time he was worried, it had been years since he was as close to anyone as this and he didn't know how to deal with it all. He didn't want to be rude and ignore Burnie, but at the same time, he just wanted this stupid thing out his hand, so he could go to bed  
"yeah I suppose" he shrugged, "he's pretty sound" Before the conversation could continue any further, the doctor came back in to let them know that he could take the drip out, which Burnie done in a matter of seconds and the boy left immediately after despite the fact that when Michael got back to his room, both boys were still awake and chatting, he wrapped himself in his duvet, laid down and when fell asleep almost as soon as his head it the pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, please feel free to leave comments or kudos, they encourage me to write more


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